Adam is still alive. I am convinced God would not bring us this far just to take him away from us. There are several families in the ICU waiting room that we have come to know. I am encouraged beause no one is dying. But others are waking up and communicating with their families. At the end of a visiting hour, they return to the waiting room with smiles and talking what their loved one said, or they held their hand or hugged them. Adam remains silent. We only have the beep of the brain wave monitor. That beep represents his smile, his hug, his I Love You Mom. The pressure in his brain is climbing. The number is nearing 20. The doctors wanted it under 10. They warn us about the ventilator. It is at maximum pressure capacity. It is set at a very high level to pump the oxygen into his damaged lungs. Normally a person is at this high pressure for a very short period of time. Adam has been at this pressure 4 days. Pressure this high could cause him to blow a lung. They try to decrease the pressure but the oxygen level in his brain decreases so they have to put him back at maximum pressure again. Michael carries Adam's book bag to the hospital every day. This is the book bad Adam carried to school from 7th grade until he graduated. The first time I saw Michael walk into the hospital waiting room with that book bag I had to smile as I remembered when I gave Adam that book bag ..... Summer was coming to an end and Adam was getting ready to start Junior High School. He was going into the 7th grade and I wanted to do something really special for him. A Lands End catalog came in the mail. They had these really nice book bags in the catalog. I always bought Adam a new book bag every year, but would get him a cheap one and by the end of the year it would be torn to pieces. I decided to surprise him with a really good book bag. There were so many colors to choose from. I picked the color Eggplant. And then I went that extra step and had his initials monogrammed on the book bag. I couldn't wait for it to arrive so I could give it to him. It finally came just before school started. I wrapped it up for him and gave it to him for his birthday. I was so excited as he opened it and waited for the look in his eyes when he saw it. He looked at it and his face froze. He looked at the book bag, looked at me, looked at the book bag again, and said "It's purple." I said "No it's not, it's Eggplant." He said "Mom, Eggplant is purple." Then he said "And look, my initials are monogrammed on it." I could tell he was trying so hard not to hurt my feelings because he knew how excited I was about the present. So I said "You hate it, don't you." He laughed and said "You bought me a purple book bag with my initials monogrammed on it for my first day of junior high." It was then that I finally got it. We both started to laugh hyterically. I'm sure Adam was thinking 'OK, I'll suck it up and carry this book bag until it falls apart. By Christmas, I'll need another one and that will be that.' Don't you know that book bag never fell apart! My dear son carried that book bag every single year until he graduated high school. It became his signature book bag and he loved it. He would even pack things in it during the summer when we would go on vacation. He took it everywhere with him. He knew it came from a place of love from his mother. And it was always a joke that he and I would laugh about every time we talked about the day he opened his book bag. And we never called anything purple after that. If it was purple, we always called it Eggplant... Michael keeps the book bag with him everywhere he goes. Kari pins blue ribbons on everyone who comes to the hospital to see us to remind them to pray for her brother. I see the pain in their eyes. Kari is 14 and Michael is 15. They are so young and witnessing and experiencing so much. I cannot protect them. I cannot protect Adam. I am helpless. i continue to beg and plead with God. God remains silent. Adam remains silent. Another day passes ...........